Finally, 2019 has arrived, and it couldn’t come sooner. 2018 was a hard year for me, I try and look at the positives, but if I am honest, there are so many dark clouds which surround the year for me. Entering 2019 felt like being able to breathe for the first time in so long without worrying about what will happen next, who will go next. But I shouldn’t hold onto the bad, I know that – it’s actually something which my counsellor, Sam, keeps reminding me. But it is so easy to fall back into bad habits, focusing on negatives comes easier than concentrating on positives – at least for me? Does anyone else feel like that?
Since I’m meant to be focusing on the positives, I thought it is a good idea to write this post to remind me that there were some shining bright moments in 2018 for me and that there will be more to come in 2019. Shall we begin?
In 2018, I, Hannah:
Spent the year going on some many adventures by diving into so many books, there was 80 in total. I went to the cinema twenty-four times! Admittedly, a few of those twenty-four was just seeing the same film twice but with different people. I went to two midnight cinema screenings for the first time, ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ as a Marvel fan who had only seen three films before from the universe; and ‘Solo’ as a complete Star Wars nerd! 2018, I travelled, although not out of the country but within it. Myself and two best friends packed up the car one day and spent a week away in the Lake District in a little upside down cottage, which from the living room you could look out the window and across the lake. I even travelled to London twice and fell in love with the city. I got to go to three literary festivals: NYA, NYA: Supernatural and Fantasy and YALC too! I was a fortunate girl this year for sure, I even completed my second year of university and moved back to York to finish my third! I got to see one of my favourite Drag Queens live and laughed so hard throughout Bianca Del Rio shall always be one of my favourite Queens. But most importantly in 2018, I learnt so much about myself, I went to counselling and admitted I wasn’t well. I began to work through my own personal insecurities and became stronger because of it. 2018 was a year were a lot of bad stuff happened, but it was a year that I survived.
But despite all this, 2018 was a year that I had to say goodbye to my loved ones…
Goodbye to my Aunt Edie, who introduced me to the luxury of sugar-coated strawberries and often slipped me quite a few whenever I got to come and visit her. Her laugh and smile and the countless stories which she would rattle off in front of me.
Goodbye to my Aunt Madge, who was as mad as a hatter. She left me with memories of family get-togethers and her telling off my granddad with him sulking off like he was 5 years old as she was still his big sister.
Finally, goodbye to my Nan, the most complicated woman to have ever existed. But I had so many memories filled with her, she has always been a constant in my life from birth till now. It is strange going into a year without her. Reflecting on my time with her no matter how difficult there was so much good with her, from Christmas Day, Wednesdays after school visits when she went into her care home and all the days in between. I understand why my Nan decided to go, but it still doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.
We just have to remember in the words of Sirius Black:
‘The ones that love us never really leave us.’
2018 was an adventure, to say the least, with ups and downs that I cannot keep count, but that is what an adventure is after all. 2018 taught me so much that I feel better, stronger, positive going into 2019. I can only hope it can be a good one.