Remembering 2018.

Finally, 2019 has arrived, and it couldn’t come sooner. 2018 was a hard year for me, I try and look at the positives, but if I am honest, there are so many dark clouds which surround the year for me. Entering 2019 felt like being able to breathe for the first time in so long without worrying about what will happen next, who will go next. But I shouldn’t hold onto the bad, I know that – it’s actually something which my counsellor, Sam, keeps reminding me. But it is so easy to fall back into bad habits, focusing on negatives comes easier than concentrating on positives – at least for me? Does anyone else feel like that?

Since I’m meant to be focusing on the positives, I thought it is a good idea to write this post to remind me that there were some shining bright moments in 2018 for me and that there will be more to come in 2019. Shall we begin?

In 2018, I, Hannah:
Spent the year going on some many adventures by diving into so many books, there was 80 in total. I went to the cinema twenty-four times! Admittedly, a few of those twenty-four was just seeing the same film twice but with different people. I went to two midnight cinema screenings for the first time, ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ as a Marvel fan who had only seen three films before from the universe; and ‘Solo’ as a complete Star Wars nerd! 2018, I travelled, although not out of the country but within it. Myself and two best friends packed up the car one day and spent a week away in the Lake District in a little upside down cottage, which from the living room you could look out the window and across the lake. I even travelled to London twice and fell in love with the city. I got to go to three literary festivals: NYA, NYA: Supernatural and Fantasy and YALC too! I was a fortunate girl this year for sure, I even completed my second year of university and moved back to York to finish my third! I got to see one of my favourite Drag Queens live and laughed so hard throughout Bianca Del Rio shall always be one of my favourite Queens. But most importantly in 2018, I learnt so much about myself, I went to counselling and admitted I wasn’t well. I began to work through my own personal insecurities and became stronger because of it. 2018 was a year were a lot of bad stuff happened, but it was a year that I survived. 

But despite all this, 2018 was a year that I had to say goodbye to my loved ones…
Goodbye to my Aunt Edie, who introduced me to the luxury of sugar-coated strawberries and often slipped me quite a few whenever I got to come and visit her. Her laugh and smile and the countless stories which she would rattle off in front of me. 

Goodbye to my Aunt Madge, who was as mad as a hatter. She left me with memories of family get-togethers and her telling off my granddad with him sulking off like he was 5 years old as she was still his big sister. 

Finally, goodbye to my Nan, the most complicated woman to have ever existed. But I had so many memories filled with her, she has always been a constant in my life from birth till now. It is strange going into a year without her. Reflecting on my time with her no matter how difficult there was so much good with her, from Christmas Day, Wednesdays after school visits when she went into her care home and all the days in between. I understand why my Nan decided to go, but it still doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye. 

screenshot 2019-01-04 at 11.01.40 am

We just have to remember in the words of Sirius Black:
‘The ones that love us never really leave us.’

2018 was an adventure, to say the least, with ups and downs that I cannot keep count, but that is what an adventure is after all. 2018 taught me so much that I feel better, stronger, positive going into 2019. I can only hope it can be a good one.

25 thoughts on “Remembering 2018.

  1. Sorry to hear that 2018 was a tough one for you. I totally get the feeling of feeling like you can breath for the first time when you feel like it’s a clean slate. Unfortunately my Dad is due to have heart surgery next week so this transition into 2019 hasn’t been like that for me, which is a shame. But like you, I’m trying to think of the positives too. Hope 2019 is wonderful to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jenny. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad but he will be in the best hands, and I wish him well for a quick and strong recovery too! I think trying to think positively will be good as it means we can be stronger in ourselves when the worst comes. As for me in the past whenever I been in a negative headspace and something goes wrong, it just gets worse. I hope 2019 is good year for you x


    1. Thank you, I think even though it was difficult there were still some good things that happened. I wish you the best for 2019!


  2. I’m so sorry that 2018 had so many sad and painful moments for you. It’s always hard to lose people, and to lose three in a year is very difficult indeed. But you should be proud of how well you’ve done too, the fact you are even able to recognise and appreciate all the beautiful moments is a great thing and you’re doing really well. I hope 2019 treats you much kinder!
    Beth x Adventure & Anxiety

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely is, although it’s something which I’ve seemed to have gotten used to since 2010 as it feels like each year I have lost at least one person. But I have learnt that they don’t ever truly leave you as their spirit and memory will always be there. Thank you for reading and I hope 2019 is a good year for you too!


    1. Thank you Bexa, I do have so many good memories and that’s what I have to hold onto because even though they are gone, they will always be with me in one way or another. I hope you are blessed with a good 2019 as well x


  3. 2018 sounds like such a mixed year for you. Sorry you lost so many loved ones in one year, that must be tough. I’m fortunate enough to have only ever lost one grandparent and that was a very long time ago now so I can’t begin to imagine how hard that was. I’m glad you’re full of positivity for this year though! I hope it brings you the world of happiness x


    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me, the circumstances around my Nan’s death was very hard to come to terms too but I have found with a little bit of counselling that I am beginning to now accept it and accept it. But she’s always going to be with me no matter what and I have to remember that. I hope you have a good year as well!


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