Life

Silently Seated…

*** Trigger Warning: This post involves reference to sexual assault and abuse***


It was near our end, an end which I wished came so much sooner. Perhaps it should’ve come sooner. We were standing with friends at the bar, it was really quiet too, my dress was suddenly lifted and I felt these hands grabbing my ass and sinking in deeper towards my private areas. I was horrified as I turned out abruptly seeing this middle aged man, I was in shocked, after all their was practically no one in the bar an I didn’t think something like that would’ve happened right then.

It wasn’t your fault, just the aftermath was. I was crying, I hadn’t actually realised but it was your friends who held me. I was violated not because some guy had grabbed my ass, no. I was violated because afterwards you order more drinks and forced me to sit back with your friends – even though it was clear I wanted to go home. I could have left but that would have caused a seen and you didn’t want that to happen, it was all show that night. I had to sit silently and watch you drink and order more while I had to sip my water, shaking still.

It should’ve ended there, after all you proved to me that I was an afterthought. We got home and you then lashed out, hitting walls, doors and throwing stuff around. Finally you sat down on my bed and cried while I was broken and left to then comfort you… At least until you told me that I wasn’t allowed to touch you. That I’d have to sleep alone that night and not be near you. You warned me that if I touched you, that you were so close already to doing something you’d regret because I wasn’t in the right mind, so I wasn’t allowed to touch you.

Why didn’t I see then. The next day you took my virginity, I found out you cheated and you forced me to apologise. As if it was my fault and then because I didn’t show I was sorry enough, you threatened to choke me till I passed out, so that you could fuck me unconscious…


Maybe I shouldn’t have wrote this, maybe at first I didn’t think it was a big deal because I had experienced worst, it wasn’t as bad as other people’s experiences because others had it much worse than I did. I promised though to be honest on this blog and I need to keep it that way. It’s so important to talk about sexual harassment and assault, then maybe I should tell my story even if it was just to show that it isn’t always a stranger but sometimes a partner too.

It’s time to speak out I suppose, rather than allowing sexual assault and harassment to be a normalised experience because whether you think it’s just something small doesn’t mean that it is insignificant. In fact it’s the small things which then make it okay for bigger things to happen.

Speak out because you shouldn’t be alone and do not think it is your fault. Time to be strong together. #MeToo

 

24 thoughts on “Silently Seated…

    1. Thank you Amy, I just seen so many women tell their stories and I thought I should try and be as brave as them. Thank you ❤ x

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    1. Thank you Rebecca! I feel so bad bringing you to tears and thank you for reading. I think writing the truth about stuff like this is helping me find the closure I need to find peace in myself. Just wish I figured it out so much sooner xx

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  1. I wish I could give you a hug! You wrote this post so well, actually conveying the feelings sexual harassment can cause to mess with a person. You’ve got my eternal respect!

    x Envy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. It means a lot that my writing is coming out well, I’m always scared it sounds either moany or poor. I think it’s so important for us to share our stories to stop people thinking that this is a normal thing. Staand strong together and thank you again x

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  2. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and I know how hard this post must have been to write. I’m sorry that it happened, and it shouldn’t have happened. I hope you know that you are brave and strong, and that you were even before you shared this post. Thank you for sharing your story, but I wish that so many women didn’t have stories to share.

    http://kittypann.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish that too, however I think everyone who shares there story are so brave and hopefully by sharing our stories then it will stop these acts being ignored or normalised. Thank you so much xx

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  3. I’m sorry that this happened to you, but so proud that you’ve decided to speak up and out about it! I really hope that by choosing to be so brave, your story inspires someone else to speak up about theirs – if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me this wasn’t the worst story I could tell, People say I’m brave but I don’t feel it. I just hope that people become more inspired to speak out and then hopeflly we can all unite and stop this from happening. Thank you so much for reading xx

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  4. I am so sorry you had to go through this experience, no one should ever have to be put through this! You are an incredible person and also very brave for sharing your story with others and I’m sure your story has encouraged someone else out there to speak up too! Thank you for helping to spread the message on speaking up about experiences like this, I’m sure you’ll be an inspiration to many in the same position as yourself. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really hope that by speaking up about one of my experiences with sexual assault/harrassment does encourage others to speak out. I really hope that by more and more people speaking out it will highlight the problem and hopefully find a solution or something. But mainly just showing others that you aren’t alone and you don’t have to be. Thank you for reading x

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  5. This is such a shocking post, I actually stopped breathing for a few seconds when I started reading it. I am so very sorry that you suffered such horrendous assaults. You are a very courageous lady to have written what you’ve written, and I hope you never have to experience anything like this again. Thank you for sharing such a personal post. X

    Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading, I’m sorry if it’s upset you at all. I just hope that by sharing one of my stories that it might help other people realise they aren’t alone and it’s ok to admit what happened and know it not your fault. thank you for taking the time to read and comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, it means a lot. I agree that it so important more people write because we need to highlight how big of a problem this is! x

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