You go in for your operation today, a heart operation which hopefully will repair your heart and you’ll be back to normal again. I hope you go back to normal but Granddad I’m mad at you. I shouldn’t be but I am. I thought, we all did, we thought you learned your lesson with your eyes, that you’d know to go to the doctors when something seemed amiss. But you didn’t! You promised you would and you didn’t and now your in hospital and we have no idea what is going to happen.
I miss going into town with you. After all your the one who introduced me to bookshops and reading. I remember every Saturday morning from I could walk until you had to stop driving, we’d go for breakfast before pursuing the bookshop for hours on end. We go from children to adult and everything in between, both alike in reading anything and everything. And even though you can’t read anymore I would love to just go one more time with you. I miss it and I took for granted but you gave me my love of reading, you encourage it and nurtured in. I wouldn’t be me without this passion now because of you and I’m mad because I’m scared… I don’t want to loose you.
We used to go on walk, the pack of dogs in our wake. We go through fields upon fields and you’d tell me stories. Stories of when you were in the army and when you were a child like me and all the pranks you used to play. You’d never teach me them because you didn’t want me to pick up your ‘bad habits’ as that’s what everyone else called them. You’d listen to me ramble and talk nonsense for hours about school and books and films which you’d properly never see or have interest in. I’m mad because I don’t want it to end, I want to see ramble on to you and listen to all the stories that you’ve no doubt told me a million times already.
I remember sitting on the kitchen counter tops with my various battered old copies of Harry Potter. You always say it was rubbish and would throw them in the bin, that was until I tricked you into reading them. Seeing your face light up and you soon realised that the magical world which I lived in so fiercely would be a world you too could live. I love the way you go on about Mad Eye and Hagrid, though I tease you that they are your man crushes for life. I’m scared, and mad because we don’t know what going to happen. I don’t know if we’re ever now going to have our trip to London which we’ve planned. Going to the studio tours and we going to dress up in Hogwarts robes, I a Ravenclaw while you ever the Gryffindor. I’m scared that it’s just going to be a Ravenclaw.
Your my best friend Granddad, your my Grand-pappy, we used to play darts and cards. Joke round when you let me drive the car aged 12 behind your house and then when you reversed right over me. When we have our fights to see who could punch harder (to the disapproval of Nan and Mum) just because we could and liked to see who was stronger and when we went on that one bike ride too. But I’m scared what going to happen to me without you because you’ve always been there and I’ll never be ready to say Goodbye. Your my best friend and the one I talk to no matter what. I even taught you how to text because you wanted to talk about books which we were both reading or show we were both watching till late at night, because you didn’t want me to get into rouble for being on the phone all night.
I love you Granddad. I’m scared but I know your tougher than any old pair of boots (your older than most) and your going to be okay. I know your going to be okay no matter what.
I love you,
As many of you know my Granddad had a open heart operation in hospital yesterday, it was scary and he’s in the ICU now. I didn’t want to publish this yesterday, wasn’t sure that I wasn’t going to at all but I need to let my emotions out. After all for me this blog is my truth, so I don’t bottle everything up inside.
Thanks for reading. x