Perhaps some things should be kept behind closed doors, or not mentions for everyone who has internet access to be able to read. But I promised myself that I was going to be open and honest in this blog, I think it’s important that I do. Today I want to talk about one of the most negative relationships I have had in my life, in hopes that this will help me accept it and turn this relationship into a positive one.
My relationship with my body hasn’t been the best, it’s been a two way thing. I’ve not exactly looked after it like a temple but it hasn’t exactly made me feel great about myself. Yes I do comfort eat. Who doesn’t? (If you don’t teach me your skill to not comfort eat.) I do think chocolate is an appropriate breakfast appetiser – it’s not I’m just trying to fool myself. And perhaps I don’t exactly exercise as much as I should.
Now like any not so good relationship, I’m gonna talk about why I don’t always get on with my body or maybe it’s my mind too. I can’t look in a mirror without grimacing, I’m not overweight but when I was younger I was chubby. I get scared that I am going to see the chubby girl in the mirror again, because I don’t want to see her again. When I was her I felt horrid, I felt insecure and since then I’ve always had part of that insecurity. I am self conscious about my body. I also have a skin condition, it’s genetic and not contagious although people have often treated me like it is. Psoriasis is were your skin grows too quick for your body which results in a lot of scabby, flaky and inflamed skin. I have it all over my chest, parts of my back, thighs but that’s okay because I can hide and cover it… But I also have it on my face and neck and that’s partly why I can’t look in a mirror without grimacing.
But I kinda accepted it. My face will properly be constantly covered in psoriasis no matter what creams I use in effort to keep it calmer than it’d be without. I will have chronic jaw pain for various periods of time but as long as I don’t panic and take some painkillers then it’s manageable. If I keep a balanced diet and attempt to exercise more then I should maintain a good tonnage and perhaps begin to have a good relationship with my body?
My body and I don’t have the best relationship. If we were two separate identities then it definitely can be said we do at times teach each other badly. But when working together I feel less self-conscious than I did before. I don’t think anyone has a perfect relationship with their body, but we can all work to get a good relationship.
The best relationships are the ones you have to work at after all, right?